Dopey dog face

St. Regis required me to take a test prior to "being selected" to enter their kindergarten program. My minor speech problem was a problem. I liked to pronounce d words with the letter b. So drink would be brink. The tester wanted me to say this word from a flash card and I said it three times and the nun was like "no." And even as a five-year-old I was a savage. I waived my hand at her like an old-school Sicilian goumba and was like, "It's a brink, a brink." I recall it like a bitch slap. I was like, "you know what I mean stupid." They let me in the school, despite my speech problems. My sister went there. She was entering second grade.

My first year of kindergarten sucked my asshole and could be the reason why I have avoided full-time work for the past two years. I never wanted to go to kindergarten. My mom had to bribe me with a My Little Pony to go the doctor to sit for the required shots. School is like a kennel, you need shots before you can hang with the other dogs. I never enjoyed the doctor too much. Stripping down to my white, cotton, ruffled-leg underwear just made me feel like a creeper. The doctor would make me do that and push on my stomach. Check-ups were perverted. I can still recollect the feeling of sitting in the waiting room. The pediatrician's husband was a butt doctor so the seats were extra cushioned. I squirmed in the chair, while glancing at Highlights and sobbing. Once it was my turn, I got to get stabbed with a needle and then the doctor would draw some dopey dog face with her pen on the spot, as if that would make it all better. I raped the prize drawer at the end of the visit.

During my first year of kindergarten I missed many days. I would refuse to go. I just wanted to stay home with my mom. She would let me a lot of the times. But one time she got all pissed that she had to pick me up from school for no reason. She made me stay in my bed all day and all day I just transformed cartoons from the funny section with silly putty onto paper.